


Living in the past

by sunshinebymoonlight



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Identity Reveal, M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 10:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12792855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinebymoonlight/pseuds/sunshinebymoonlight
Summary: He never isn't Spiderman





	Living in the past

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there and thanks for reading.  
> The timeline is how I wrote the story and how I prefer it to be read. There are two time-lines. One is present starting in 2017 and the other is 2012. They are in order blended to give the feeling of flashbacks.  
> This story is technically incomplete. I always planned to replace Destiny and my OCs with the X Men. So be aware that this was never supposed to be my final product. Unfortunately I have lost the inspiration for the story.

Living in the past

2017

“Look, it's Spiderman!” a boy shouted in excitement as the red superhero dove through the sky above them.  
Spiderman climbed up the side of the building until he reached his personal entrance to the tower. He gave a nod to Stark and the others as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He disappeared from their sight and JARVIS announced when he had hopped into the elevator.  
“How long has it been since Spiderman joined us?” Clint Barton also known as Hawkeye asked.  
Clint had repeatedly attempted to catch Spiderman unaware, but had never seen the man take his mask off.  
“Five years next month,” Tony Stark said nursing a cup.  
Tony had been direct. He blantently demanded the mask to come off, but Spiderman had disappeared for a few days. Tony never really gave up, but his attempts to unmask his ally were rare.  
“Why won't he trust us?” Steve Rogers said sadly.  
Steve had been patient and kind... for the first year. He gave unwarrented advise and councel to Spiderman, but Spiderman never removed his mask.  
Thor appeared thoughtful as he added, “To the best of my knowledge the man of spiders has never shown us his true face. I too am disappointed he does not reveal himself.”  
Thor sadly assumed the Spiderman mask was Spiderman's face until he saw the wall crawler eat. He would often insist that the Man of Spiders join them in bonding with his fellow warriors, but Spiderman always slipped away.  
Natasha Romanoff laughed mockingly, “You think that's bad? When he is not with us he is either resting or catching criminals. He never isn't Spiderman.”  
Natasha kept watch over everyone's attempts to unmask Spiderman, but eventually she came to the conclusion that something was wrong with Spiderman. He held himself as if he was confident, but when he thought no one was looking he slumped. She pitied what only she realised was a broken young man.  
“I thought that might be the case,” Tony said as if he had already had the discussion previously. “I asked him several months after we first met if he ever stopped and his reply was 'If I stop being Spiderman then I would be me and I do not want to think about being me.' He is messed up.”

*

2012

Peter carried a giggling Gwen Stacy up the side of a tall building and once they were up the top she pulled out two sandwiches. Gwen started talking about her day with her Dad and Peter listened hearing the shear happiness his girlfriend felt at her Dad having the day off. Hearing a scream he put on his mask, grabbed Gwen and swung down to investigate. He dropped Gwen behind a dumpster and rushed into action.  
A small teenage girl kicked one of her attackers in the stomach surprising Peter. Behind the girl was a pregnant woman who was cowering in fear. Peter grabbed one of the attackers and stuck him to a wall. The girl hit another man between the legs making him crumple to ground. Peter dodged a knife and hit another man in the gut winding him. The knife wielder found his body pinned awkwardly to the ground by webs. Satisfied that they were down Peter secured them all with webs.  
“Thank you Spiderman,” the pregnant woman said as she called the police.  
The girl received a tight hug from the woman in thanks before she approached Spiderman. She grinned playfully and made her way passed him to Gwen's hiding place.  
“Hi there, I am Destiny,” she introduced herself. “And I have a lot to say. For the sake of the world, please listen to me.”  
Peter stared at her and looked over at Gwen and received a smile in return, “Alright.”  
The girl clapped her hands together, “Meet me up the top.”  
Then the girl vanished only for Peter to hear her now at the top of the building shouting, “Hurry up.”  
Peter grabbed Gwen and climbed back up the building.  
“So I am a remnant of an ancient race that has long since vanished. I have the ability to see destiny, travel through time and space and I am immortal,” Destiny informed them.  
“Okay, I was not expecting that,” Gwen said raising an eyebrow.  
“I like interfering, but I cannot change fate. I can however manipulate destiny,” Destiny explained.  
“Is that supposed to make sense?” Gwen questioned in annoyance.  
Destiny smiled, “My best explanation is I cannot stop someone from dying if that is their fate. However I can change how they die.”  
“So why are you here?” Peter asked.  
“In the future something will happen and the outcome is pretty destructive. However if you start a group of sort of friends with abilities they will be able to help,” Destiny explained.  
“The Avengers?” Gwen said softly.  
“No, they already have a part to play. Meet mutants and simply become their friends,” Destiny told them before disappearing.  
Gwen and Peter exchanged glances and mutually agreed that she was weird.  
“My very own group of freaks,” Gwen joked hugging Peter.

*

2017

Spiderman swung through the city heading towards the hospital. He stopped several times along the way to stop crime, before continue what had become a regular tradition. He climbed onto the side of the hospital and watched as a tired older woman sat down to eat lunch. She smiled at her co-worker and accepted a drink from the other woman. Spiderman watched their interaction as the two women talked until the woman he was watched finished and stood to leave.  
“I'll see you tomorrow, May,” the other woman said.  
Spiderman launched himself away from the hospital eager to wipe the image of his sad aunt from his mind. He could never bring himself to see her longer. If he stayed it would kill her.

*

2012

Peter desperately tried to find Curt Conners, but he felt as if he was the fly rather than the spider. He watched in horror as Gwen's father was attacked, but he was surprised to see a guy wearing a hoodie attack the lizard man from behind. A wave of the guy's hand knocked the lizard to the ground. After several frightening events they managed to stop everyone from turning into lizards.  
“You're telekentic?” Peter asked approaching the guy.  
“Yeah,” the guy mumbled.  
Gwen raced over to her Dad and grinned at Peter, “We did it.”  
“Thank you for helping us. Despite my previous statements about Spiderman it has become obvious that we need him,” Chief Stacy held a hand out for them to shake.  
“No problem,” Peter smiled.  
“Well, today has been a weird day. You should thank this weird girl I met earlier,” the telekenetic guy said.  
“Don't thank me,” Destiny appeared. “I only changed what happened. Fate cannot be avoided.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?” the guy asked.  
Chief Stacy gasped loudly as he gripped his chest.  
“Dad!” Gwen cried out in horror.  
She held her Dad in her arms as he sank to the ground.  
“Gwen, calm down,” Chief Stacy muttered. “I am having a heart attack.”  
“No, call an ambulance,” Gwen ordered.  
Peter stared in shock before turning to Destiny, “What is happening?”  
Destiny smiled sadly, “Death is an unavoidable fate. If his life had not been saved Doctor Conners would have killed him. At least this death is less painful and he can say goodbye. I am sorry.”  
“No, no, no,” Gwen sobbed.  
“I love you so much honey,” Chief Stacy said as he used his last moments to say goodbye to his daughter.  
“I did not save him so he could die,” the telekenetic guy said coldly to Destiny.  
“He would have died from being impaled on claw and left to bleed out. He would have suffered,” Destiny tried to explain.  
“And he's not suffering now?” the guy said softly.  
Destiny sighed, “I am not able to change fate. Destiny is flexible, but I have tried so many times to change fate and failed.”

*

2017

Spiderman laughed as Tony flirted. Steve was attempting to back away with his cheeks flushed. Tony leaned in to draw their mouths together only for Steve to fall over backwards. Scrambling backwards Steve ran over to Spiderman.  
“Why aren't you stopping him?” Steve begged for help.  
Spiderman laughed and touched Steve's shoulder gently, “You are aroused. I assumed you wanted his attention.”  
Spiderman pointed downwards making Steve realise what he meant. Steve became redder as he realised his body's extremely obvious response to Tony's flirting. As Spiderman moved out of the way he was once again confronted by Tony.  
“I really do like you, Steve,” Tony said softly pushing the other man out of his comfort zone.  
Steve wanted to fight back, but for once he decided to give Tony a chance.  
Spiderman left the room and tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. He saw the attraction between the two and his own bodily response made him panic. He made it to the elevator and when he finally made it to his bedroom he ripped off his mask and sobbed. He wished he did not feel so guilty whenever he felt remotely happy. The happiness and pleasure of being an Avenger was driving him into misery.

*

2012

“Fancy seeing you again,” the telekenetic guy said in surprise.  
Peter was surprised to be sharing the rooftop with anyone and nodded, “I am usually to one to sneak up on people.”  
The guy chuckled, “I guess even you have trouble hearing someone who is flying.”  
“You fly?” Peter questioned.  
“More like lift myself with telekenesis,” the guy explained as he flipped back his hood. “I am Jamie by the way.”  
Jamie was a rather thin looking guy and wore thin wire glasses. But he had the calm look that made Peter wonder if the guy took meditation lessons. Peter contemplated which name to give him. Slowly he lifted his hand to his neck and pulled his mask off. The weight of his secret would be easier to bear if Jamie was to be one of his team members.  
“I'm Peter,” Peter introduced himself.  
The two young men shook hands and grinned.  
“So are you a mutant too?” Jamie asked.  
Peter smiled, “Bitten by a genetically modified radioactive super spider.”  
“Seriously?” Jamie laughed.  
Peter grinned, “My Dad was the scientist that made them too.”  
Jamie appeared stunned, “Is he a spider-man too?”  
“No, he died for his research,” Peter replied softly.  
“Damn, that's messed up. Sorry man,” Jamie said softly.

*

2017

“So, last night I was having some very awesome sex with Steve and then afterwards we discussed the fact we both want you,” Tony smirked flirtatiously.  
Spiderman was trapped and Tony kept talking. Steve was blushing in the doorway blocking the exit.  
Steve looked at the red masked hero, “Your body, your mind and your personality - it works with us. I would be honored if you would at least consider us.”  
“Spidey, I understand you like to be anonymous and while I don't get it I won't make you change. However I really enjoy your company and so does Steve. We would love it if you would join us for dinner. No pressure. Nothing has to happen. Just Steve and I trying to prove our feelings for you,” Tony said gently.  
Spiderman glanced at Steve wishing that they had kept their feelings to themselves. He tried to calm himself as he felt a panic attack approach. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but failed. Tony's expression changed into surprise as Spiderman steadied his body on the table only to collapse. Spiderman shuddered as Tony put a hand on his shoulder, but fell into unstoppable sobs. Steve left the doorway and knelt down next to Spiderman.  
“Spidey, what is happening?” Tony asked softly.  
Taking a desperate breath Spiderman replied, “Panic attack.”  
“How long have you been getting them?” Steve asked.  
Spiderman felt start to relax, “Four years or so.”  
Steve stared, “What triggers them? Why haven't we noticed?”  
Spiderman's voice croaked as he whispered, “When I realise I am happy.”  
“Why happy?” Tony asked.  
“Because I'm happy and everyone else is dead,” Spiderman explained.  
Steve pulled Spiderman into a hug, “I am so sorry.”  
“Did you ever see anyone for help?” Tony asked remembering his own PTSD.  
Spiderman shook his head, “Everyone thinks I disappeared.”  
Steve came into the realisation that accompanied many of the talks about Spiderman.  
“You became Spiderman. Or rather you stopped taking off the mask,” Steve said in sad realisation.  
Spiderman nodded, “I made my relatives heart break by being around her. I could not stand being around those that knew me. I ran away from my life.”

*

2013

Gwen laughed as Jamie and Peter wrestled. It was so bizarre watching the two randomly twist, flip and float as they had super powered fun.  
“I present the idiots of all freaks,” laughed Chantel a mutant with the ability to control plants.  
“I concur,” agreed Phillip a mutant with the ability to control electricity.  
Gwen turned to Destiny, “Aren't you going to join my freaks and I tonight?”  
Destiny laughed, “I would love to.”  
Gwen was surprised that when she went looking for mutants she found a lot of them. The X-men were secret mutant heroes that she had come to admire. She considered Kurt of the X-men one of her freaks. She loved each and every one of her unique friends.  
Jenny and Patrick grinned as they each hugged Destiny. Jenny had the ability to enter other people’s dreams and Patrick was a werewolf. They had started dating after Gwen said they should hurry up and kiss. Apparently she got sick of watching them dance around each other.  
“Gwen, I have to tell you something,” Destiny said nervously.

*

2013

Peter glared at Destiny, “If I hear another word out of your mouth I swear I will hit you.”  
Jamie stared in shock, “Pete.”  
“You said nothing. How could you not say anything?” Peter shouted.  
Destiny backed away holding herself as she cried. Jamie put himself between the arguing pair.  
Destiny sobbed as she was shouted at, “I tried to stop it. I tried. I have never tried so hard to stop fate before. I tried. I'm sorry. I tried.”  
Jamie pulled the girl into a hug and glared, “We are your friends, damn it!”  
Peter fled the reminders of Gwen and arrived at home. His Aunt hugged him and fed him, but she looked so sad. Three days later and he started to notice the depression his Aunt May was going through. Two weeks passed and he could not take the fact he was hurting her, so he ran away.

*

2017

Spiderman showed up for dinner and nervously found himself with Tony across from him. Steve sat to his right and made general chatter until their take-out dinner arrived. Spiderman rolled up the bottom of his mask so he could eat. He sat through the flirting and all the reasons Steve and Tony gave him in silence. When the food was gone they appeared worried. Slowly they moved to the lounge room when he allowed Tony to lean forward and peck his lips.  
Seeing more of Spiderman's face than usual, Tony had to kiss him. The lips turned into a small smile that made the two men relax. Spiderman bit his lip nervously before pulling Tony back for a proper kiss. When he pulled away Steve pulled Spiderman into a kiss making the other male moan in delight. Spiderman panted as he pulled away and his smile became more obvious.  
Nervously Spiderman balled his fingers into fists and flexed his fingers again, “I am a lot younger than the two of you.”  
Tony and Steve paused in surprise as the delighted in the new knowledge.  
“How young?” Steve asked.  
Unable to answer Spiderman took Tony's hand a placed it on the bottom of his already half way lifted mask. Tony took a deep breath as he hooked his fingers under the edge of the mask.  
“You sure?” Steve asked making Tony pause in his excitement.  
“I'm not, but I want to,” Spiderman said softly.  
Steve was mesmerised by the movement of Spiderman's lips and watched as the mask was pulled off. His hair was fluffy from the mask and his eyes nervously darted around the room only making eye contact for a second. Tony reached out a touched his face obviously as enchanted as Steve was. Soon Tony and Steve were removing the rest of the young man's uniform and settled in for a night of love making. The young man eagerly gave himself to them and had them both wrapped around his finger as he moaned loudly with every move they made.  
The next morning he woke up in between Steve and Tony. He was so happy that they wanted him that he remembered why he was always miserable. He shivered and his breathing hastened as he entered a panic attack. Tony awoke to see his younger lover sobbing and having trouble breathing. Immediately he hugged the younger man and prayed that everything would be alright. Steve woke up and smiled at them as the younger man finally calmed down.  
“Sorry,” the young man whispered.  
“Were we that bad?” Tony joked.  
Quickly he shook his head, “I loved every moment.”  
Steve smiled happily, “Me too.”  
The young man blushed as he felt the trickle of fluid from his backside. He squirmed as he recalled everything that happened the night before and smiled.  
“I need a shower,” he informed them.  
Tony grinned and stood up quickly, “A shower sounds great.”  
Steve helped the young man out of bed and he heard Tony moan.  
“Something about seeing last night’s leftovers is oddly arousing,” Tony commented.  
The young man went bright red when he found himself being washed by the two older men. To his surprise Steve was the first to start something in the shower. Tony gave him a heated kiss as Steve sucked his arousal. The young man sighed as he lost himself in the pleasure. Tony pressed his fingers into him making him buck into Steve's mouth.  
“Please,” the young man begged. “Tony.”  
After a while the three men stumbled out of the bathroom giddy from endorphins. After getting dressed they slumped on the couch as they curled into each other and put on a movie. Tony was ecstatic at dressing the younger man in his clothes. Soon the others came looking for them and were stunned when they saw the red suit on the lounge room floor. At that point Tony stopped the movie.  
Uncomfortable the young man clung to the men he spent the night with. He felt the accusations and stares of their team mates as he avoided eye contact.  
“Is it really you?” Natasha asked wide eyed and staring.  
Slowly he looked up and nodded, “It's me.”  
“Who are you?” Bruce asked.  
“Spidey,” Tony whispered.  
Slowly he took a deep breath and said in a very clear voice, “My name is Peter.”

2013

“Peter Parker,” said a man wearing an eye patch.  
Spiderman paused getting a closer look at the man, “You have the wrong guy.”  
“The organisation I work for has eyes everywhere, Mister Parker,” the eye patch man said firmly.  
Spiderman lowered himself next to the man, “What can I do for you?”  
“You have done a lot of good, therefore I would like for you to join the Avengers Initiative,” the eye patch man explained.  
“Like the Avengers Captain America and Iron Man? Or something else?” Spiderman asked.  
“Correct, you would be an asset to the team,” said the eye patch man.  
“I will join as Spiderman. Not as anyone else,” Spiderman said bluntly.  
“S.H.I.E.L.D. already knows your identity and believes you are trustworthy despite you age,” the eye patch man informed him with a smirk.  
“I decided to make Peter Parker disappear. Would this work for you?” Spiderman asked.  
The eye patch wearing man nodded, “Only if you agree to live with the other Avengers. Otherwise I believe the team should welcome you.”  
Spiderman nodded, “Alright, I was hoping to start over anyway, so why not as an Avenger?”

2014

“We miss you, but I will tell the others to back off. Promise me Peter that one day when you need help you will contact the Freaks,” Destiny begged.  
Spiderman nodded, “Sure, but stop calling me Peter. Peter Parker is gone and I want it to stay that way.”  
Destiny nodded and wiped away her tears, “I will take care of May for you.”  
Spiderman smiled, “Goodbye Des. Thank you.”  
Destiny moved forward to hug her friend. Spiderman shook his head and backed away.  
“Promise me, one day you will ask for help,” Destiny shouted as he swung away.

2015

Spiderman sat on the edge of the roof watching the sunset.  
“Hey there, Pete,” said a soft male voice.  
Spiderman flinched at the use of his real name and turned to see Jamie. Jamie had been his best friend when everything started falling apart. He flinched as the other man sat next to him.  
“Hey,” Spiderman said softly.  
“Can I visit you on rooftops? I miss you, man,” Jamie asked softly.  
Spiderman sighed, “I'm still a mess. Des doesn't visit me anymore. I am beyond help.”  
Jamie smiled, “I refuse to believe that. Besides my psychologist said I should see old friends.”  
Spiderman glanced at Jamie in surprise, “You’re seeing a psych?”  
“I fell apart, man. Gwen, she was my best friend. I felt normal for once. Got really depressed. I stopped eating. Ended up in hospital,” Jamie explained.  
“Oh,” said Spiderman.  
“People's screams as they transformed into Conner's lizards around me and the pain I felt as it reacted to my x-gene. I thought that would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. But then that happened. I still relive it. Racing in to see her hit the ground,” Jamie whispered. “I felt so alone.”  
The two fell silent and when he received no reply Jamie sighed.  
“My mutant ability grew. I feel like my telekenesis doesn't have a limit any more. Before if I tried lifting too much the strain would make me sick. Now my body heals faster so the strain is almost non-existent,” Jamie said softly  
Spiderman glanced over at Jamie, “I don't need web shooters any more. I can produce webs from the glands in my wrists.”  
“Cool, you should come to a Freak party and show off,” Jamie said grinning.  
Spiderman jumped off the building leaving Jamie behind.  
“Bye, Pete,” Jamie said in disappointment.

2016

“It's been a long time, Spiderman,” Chantel waltzed up to the Avengers.  
Dancing around a bad guy she made her way to her friend's side.  
“Springtime,” Spiderman greeted with a nod.  
Dodging another hit she ended up next to Captain America. She smiled at the gentleman and turned her attention back to Spiderman.  
Chantel smiled, “Us Freaks miss you.”  
Spiderman made a noise in frustration as he punched a bad guy.  
Spiderman sighed, “Let's just stop the bad guys.”  
Chantel looked hurt, but nodded, “I'm cool with that.”  
Chantel grinned in excitement and made two whips made of thorny vines grow around her arms.

2017

Peter held his mask staring at it as his emotions chaotically churned making him feel sick. He rested his head against the window and wondered where the Freaks were. He closed his eyes and prayed for relief from his hurt. Tears fell as he stared blankly at the mask he had hidden behind for so long. He glanced over at the doorway as he heard someone walk in. Bruce walked in and gave him the most understanding look he had ever received.  
“Not coping with being unable to hide?” Bruce questioned gently.  
Peter relaxed and wiped away his tears, “More like I keep thinking about the past. I can't escape it.”  
“Do you want to escape it? Or is it safer living in the past where you are familiar with the pain and suffering?” Bruce asked sitting on the couch.  
Peter shrugged, “I don't even remember why anymore.”  
Bruce smiled, “You will figure it out. I did. It's painful and it hurts, but once I stopped living in the past it eased.”  
Peter sighed, “I wish it was easy.”  
Bruce chuckled, stood up and paused, “You deserve to move on.”  
Peter watched Bruce leave and fell into sobs.

*

Peter glanced at his lovers before dressing in his Spiderman costume. He swung through the city and finally paused at the cemetery that held his loved ones. He found Gwen's grave and openly started sobbing.  
“I am so sorry,” Peter whispered.  
“Pete?” the familiar voice of Patrick said.  
All five of the remaining Freaks stood nearby holding flowers. Peter slipped of his mask and watched his friends smile.  
“Hey Peter,” Chantel greeted with a wide happy smile.  
Destiny smiled at him as Jamie moved to pull him into a hug. Phillip smiled and eagerly joined in the hug. The three young men fell into a pleasant silence as they placed flowers on Gwen and Jenny's graves.  
“I'm sorry,” Peter apologised.  
Destiny hugged Peter and held onto him as if he would disappear, “I was never angry at you. Angry at fate, but never you.”

*

“Something is coming,” Peter said softly.  
“We'll be there,” Jamie said without a pause.  
“We promised her,” Chantel added smiling.  
“Right behind you whenever you need me,” Destiny nodded.


End file.
